inconvenient truth

ever have days where your shortcomings in character catch up to you? maybe not huge areas...but just the eternally frustrating ones? sometimes it seems like the pieces of my life that i'm aware i need change in are the hardest ones to see actual progress form.


i got so much done at work today it was ridiculous. sometimes i can be a machine. of course other times i have about a negative fifteen second attention span. but today was good...it felt good to get so much done.


the oscars last night were a severe disappointment. i think i disagreed with practically every award given. not that i ever agree with all of them, but usually they make some sort of sense. last night was a disgrace to the movies that came out this past year.


so there's three random unconnected thoughts. just so you know...the title is referring to the first random thought. it's just a nifty little tie-in that it coincides with the third.


i'm going to bed.


doing nothing (well?)

days like today, i think, are the reason why i keep my schedule so busy. because when i accidentally stumble upon a day where i have nothing scheduled, it disappears into nothing. literally. i don't know if i really accomplished anything today. at all. and, of course, when you have nothing to do, maybe part of the point is to do nothing. but what i don't think i have learned how to do is to do nothing well. i don't feel particularly refreshed after today. i don't feel reenergized and ready to tackle the world. i just feel like i wasted a day. now maybe this is because i am just too production oriented. but i think part of the reason for today is my weird introvert/extrovert mix, which decided to be extroverted this weekend. except there was no one around.

i think my favorite part of today was taking a nap and sitting and reflecting. i was with a friend last weekend and we were sitting and reflecting and they asked "do you do this often?" and i said "no" and then i sat and reflected on sitting and reflecting. and decided i should take time to do it more often. so i sat and reflected for like three minutes today. and it was good. though i think it's better to sit and reflect with other people. i think that's the quaker silent meeting part of me speaking.

i also enjoyed listening to mates of state today. so there's that. (hmmm...what is that last sentence a quote from? besides likely a million movies. but i'm thinking of it in relation to one movie...the inflection of the voice in my head is saying it in a specific way.)

this is possibly one of the most rambling, weird posts ever. that's the beauty (/terrifying part) of my blog...one day you'll get random creative writing, another day some politcal rant, another day some theological wandering/wondering, and then you'll end up with a day like today. where the nothing of my day spilled into a post of random nothingness. phew. i'm done.



the wind is sharp tonight. it cuts through my mind as i huddle with my thoughts across campus. the winter darkness is thick and invasive and creeps into the cracks slashed by the wind. escape seems impossible.

moments ago were warmth. low-lighted coffee sofas and interested underclassmen exploring potential of growing together, of living life with intentionality.

how distinct the differences...of sitting close to like-minded brothers versus stealing quickly through the darkness alone. i thought independence was a treasure. and trusting others was a crutch. i had "bought the myth of independence, not realizing it was but a euphanism for loneliness."

even nature reminds us of all truth. a sharp wind sends me fleeing to community. an embrace will be my shield.


a lot...to come

i have a lot a lot a lot i want to write about. but i'm rather exhausted at the moment from a late night & a long weekend. so it'll have to wait until perhaps tomorrow. for now, i'll leave you with a link to movie coming out this weekend that you should consider seeing. i think/hope it will be well worth your time:

the story of William Wilberforce

for showtimes, check here



interesting things coming toward & through the general vicinity:

mat kearney dropping his entrancing combination of acoustic/folk/spoken word beauty at EJ Thomas Hall in Akron on March 1st. i, unfortunately yet happily, will be guest speaking at LateNight at Kent State on "Being Worldly...Poverty & Social Justice". yeah. i know. to which shall you attend?!?

mewithoutYou firing off their beautiful mix of poetry and authentic musical vigor at one of my favorite venues, Mr. Smalls (near Pittsburgh), on March 16th. i likely will be in attendance with (hopefully) multiple swell people (perhaps yourself?)

unbelievably (even more than plausible) your favorite nerdy heroes and mine are coming to Akron. The Mythbusters will be at EJ Thomas Hall on March 31st as part of a live tour shindig thing. i have yet to purchase a ticket, but can't afford to miss this educational opportunity.

in an amazing two for one evening of wonderment, Relient K & MAE will be unleashing a bombardment of new music of their fresh cd's coming out in the next few months. this will be in Cleveland on May 3rd, and i plan on being in attendance with the legends femur matt and derke.

i have to end this post on a sad note, though. the ineffable Explosions in the Sky, while making me quite happy by releasing a new cd next week, are not venturing anywhere near during their spring tour, despite hopping the pond to London not once, but twice. the nerve!


frustration is mine

yeah. i can't figure out how to change this thing at all. i made a sweet header. it won't work. i tried all sorts of google searches to sort out html stuff. it all hates me. i had a snow day. it's wrapping up and everything here still looks the same. cause i'm a moron, apparently. oh well. grrr.


i did it.
i expanded beyond xanga.
i haven't abandoned xanga. yet.
but for now, i'll just do both.

(speaks to self)
welcome me.
(self responds)
(ends interpersonal dialogue)

i know, i know. my template needs some help. but it's 1:45 in the morning and i have work tomorrow. i mean today. so it'll have to wait.

gripping images

my good friend, al, emailed me this link...

Time's Pics of 2006

i took a few minutes to look at them and they took my breath away. the punch in the gut sort of breath stealing. i think i could probably write a journal entry for each picture. but i'll just mention two...

"the final traces". won my vote. and made me sick. literally.

"a horse that would". my jaded, cynical view of America hardened even more. how can, amidst the rest of these pictures of oppression, strife, poverty, war, and pain, how can we really care about this horse? a country that spent 11 billion dollars on pet food in 2005, and can only come up with 15 billion over FIVE years to give to AIDS relief. i think i'm going to be sick again.

i looked at all these pictures, purely by accident, while listening to Oh My God by Jars of Clay. a most appropriate sound track. i recommend it if you decide to view the link.

oh my God...what a wretched world we've made...save us from ourselves.

runaway love

"forced to think hell is a place called home"...


i've had a lot to blog about recently. this video is brilliant. if you didn't read my last post, it's got a good link, too.

interesting, there's no real answers offered at the end of this video. which at first kind of disappointed me. but then, when i thought about it, i was saying...ummm...what answer is there? i mean, honestly. for a kid that's stuck in situations like that, there's no easy answer that fit in any song or music video.

but this is why i work with youth. cause they're all running from something. and i want to run with them...not just away from something, but towards someOne.